This evening as I am driving home from class, I started thinking about the class events and conversations. If you've been keeping up with my posts you know I like a guy and he doesn't know it. If he does know it, he hasn't said anything or made any comment to his knowledge. Well, this guy is in my college classes; we are going for the same major and enrolled at the same time so we've been through the entire program together.
Tonight we were talking about relationships and he mentioned he was talking to a girl 2 counties away. My heart sank...again. I got to thinking about this and decided I needed to figure out what was in my head, my heart and process; so I drove past my house. My radio was on and it was playing Thomas Rhett "Marry Me". I personally don't care for the song but feel like that is my feelings for this guy so I listened, and drove, and processed.
Amidst all of this the thought came to my mind, he has many girls, but it's just as many physical girls as you have had imaginary guys.....
I have a problem of putting myself to sleep thinking about the perfect relationship, or a story I made up in my mind, or a good looking actor. These guys, or men, don't exist for who I make them to be...it's just that, I made them what I wanted them to be. It's not reality. It's not real.
So I have come to the conclusion, that I can't get upset at this guy in class for having another girl, when I "have another guy". No, mine isn't a physical human being. But the emotional attachment in my mind is still relevant.
No comments:
Post a Comment